Music is a powerful trigger for memories; a way to reflect on what has changed and what stays the same.
“And I tell myself it’s just a blue day. And it’s hard to see it any other way …” Blue Day, Colin Bayley & Murray Burns (1983). Image: Su Leslie, 2015.
It’s 1984 and I’m in a state of metamorphosis. The life I’ve fallen into since leaving my parents’ home has become as constraining and ill-fitting as that which I originally fled.
I cut my hair very short and bleach it very blonde. I acquire a wardrobe of vintage clothes; oversize men’s shirts, pencil skirts and beaded cardigans.
I catch glimpses of an unfamiliar woman in the mirror and wonder why she doesn’t look happy. Some days the world beyond my bed is a void I’m afraid that I will fall into and become lost forever.
I listen to a lot of music. Sometimes it makes me feel better.
Zimmerbitch 
Such a beautiful hue of blue!
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I don’t know, Su, but the wardrobe sounds pretty cool to me. Hopefully, things got better for you.
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Ups and downs — like most of us. 😀
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Thank you for sharing a slice of your Blue Period. It evokes memories of my own: I, too, listened to a lot of music (mostly because it allowed me to cry with wild abandon). I, too, dyed my hair – not blonde but some strange shade of brown, and in an act of rebellion, grew it long long long (I was never permitted to have long hair growing up).
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I wasn’t allowed long hair growing up either. I have tried to grow it a few times, but always give up cos it gets straggly and not at all how I imagine it should be.
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Your hair suits you now. You do seem much happier, Su.
Leslie
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Thank you Leslie. I definitely recognise the triggers for my blue moods better now and can act faster to deal with them.
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It usually comes with time….
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I hear you! I haven’t had long hair in decades since – just too hot and fiddly.
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But you had the strength to endure it long enough to see better days.
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Muddling through — like most of us.
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I know the feeling of having to escape the constraints of the life I grew up with. But, as you say, most of us muddle through and, hopefully, get it right in the end. To a happy medium in my case – I discovered quite quickly I wasn’t cut out to be a rebel, but i’ve lived a more outward looking life than my parents.
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I look back and think that some of my rebelliousness was mainly just being selfish. I think My judgement has improved, but I still feel like my worldview is, if not radical, then certainly not mainstream.
My son’s form of rebellion is to be politically apathetic — and that drives me nuts.
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I can imagine!
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Keep muddling.
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Thanks Tracy 😀
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Thanks for the memory Su. I hope your blue days are few.
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I remember those years when I would endlessly listen to music too. I don’t know why but I seldom do this anymore which is a shame really. The weird thing is, I always listened to music that would make me feel even more blue than I already was! 😂 Instead of some lovely Reggae to cheer me up. 😊
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Me too. I think that’s part of what music does for us — let’s us wallow and makes it ok. Sometimes we need to do that before we’re ready for reggae 😀
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Ready for reggae – I like that! 😀
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