Love is a doing word

su and tom second pic_cleaned up1

Motherhood; day 1. Image: Leslie-Gray family archive, 1998.

 The boy-child was not a model baby. Although delivered full-term, he weighed barely 2.5kg at birth, and we struggled hugely in his first few months with feeding difficulties and erratic sleeping patterns.

I’m not entirely sure what I expected of motherhood, but certainly not the exhaustion, guilt, fear, loneliness and utter helplessness I experienced. I had told clients I’d probably be back to work after about eight weeks. In reality, as eight weeks became twelve, I still considered it a good day if I managed to get both the baby and I dressed and out of the house.

The post-natal depression with which I was diagnosed lasted for years. Long after the boy-child’s sleeping ceased to be a problem, I still experienced the same sick, clenched stomach if he did cry out in the night.

There is a lot I just don’t remember about my son’s first year — and I certainly wasn’t up to taking lots of photos, or keeping a “Milestones” book as many of the other new mothers I knew did.

When I think back on that time, what I do remember is the music. The soundtrack of my son’s babyhood may well be the best bit, and there are so many songs I could choose from that time.

But I’ve always loved the opening line of this song, and I think that although it isn’t about motherhood, it speaks brilliantly to the essence of a mother’s love.

Love, love is a verb

Love is a doing word

Massive Attack, Teardrop

Sarah at Art Expedition is hosting 30 Days, 30 Songs for the month of June. You can see her latest post here.

Why not join in — as Tracy at Reflections of an Untidy Mind so brilliantly puts it “casual players welcome.”

DP Photo Challenge: growth

Close up shot of mother duck with six ducklings nestling around her. Image: Su Leslie, 2017

From little things, big things grow. Image: Su Leslie, 2017

Wordless Wednesday: fevered dreaming

Unwell, I'm sleeping badly and dreaming much. Last night I found myself wandering this stand of trees looking for protection against the people who want to take my child away.  Photo: Su Leslie, 2013. Edited with Pixlr Express

Unwell, I’m sleeping badly and dreaming much. Last night I found myself in this stand of trees looking for protection against the people who want to take my child away from me. A recurrent dream for me during the boy-child’s early years when I suffered from post-natal depression, I wonder why it returns now (when he’s 16)? Photo: Su Leslie, 2013. Edited with Pixlr Express

Here are some other Wordless Wednesday’s I’ve enjoyed:

http://mamacarriemakes.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-75/

http://curlygirlpress.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-magnolia-blossoms-looking-up-looking-down/

http://karamelissa.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-east-lynn-park/

http://peaceloveanddietcoke.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-summer-longings/

http://krispix.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-lego-dude/

http://harcourt51.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesdayold-gatepost/

http://cevichehigh.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/disco-baker/

Wordless Wednesday: Actual blue skies at the Fishhook Pier, Montrose Harbor, Chicago – April 2014

Wordless Wednesday: bundle of love, my cat Wall-e

http://cindi-keller.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-playoff-game-memories/

http://carolfarnumart.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-3/

http://brokeinthebigsmoke.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-regents-canal/

Moving

http://misadventuresandmuses.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-2/

http://plaridel.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-las-ramblas-in-the-dead-of-day/

http://irisgreenwald.wordpress.com/2014/04/09/wordless-wednesday-8/