As the boy becomes a man, gone are the yellow t-shirts, the sunny smiles and sadly, the golden hair – now almost always hidden under a cap or beanie.
Gone too the days when I could pick up my little bundle of exuberance and hug him close – on my terms rather than his.
I spent much the boy-child’s early years suffering from post-natal depression and didn’t enjoy a lot of the time I spent “being a parent.” But for a constellation of reasons, I was a very full-time parent, and so alongside the hours and days of boredom, anxiety, desperation and sometimes rage, were others filled with laughter and learning, beach trips and baking, singing silly songs and a quiet sort of happiness and pleasure in his company.
I’m counting down to the boy-child’s sixteenth birthday and trying to capture and save memories. Because in the words of Joni Mitchell:
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got
Til its gone
And I make no apology for including the Counting Crows cover Big Yellow Taxi. The band features heavily on the soundtrack to the boy-child’s early life.
And here is what has gone before in this countdown:
Yellow is a colour of contradictions; on one hand we associate it with wealth, sunshine, optimism and happiness – and on the other with cowardice, jealousy and caution.
Yeah, sounds like me – apart from the wealth bit.
I don’t wear yellow much any more, and the last time I decorated a room with it was when we did the boy-child’s nursery in blue and yellow with “raining cats and dogs” Ikea-print curtains.
It’s a colour I photograph a lot, and one I paint with, though mostly round the gold end of the yellow spectrum there.
Here are some posts I enjoyed: